Well. I “came out,” so to speak, on Monday and confessed my secret– using The Sims 3 to illustrate a story I’ve worked on since high school.
As my brain sees it, that’s a couple possible hits against me. A story from high school, a story posted for free that I’m planning on putting up for sale, and using a video game to take pictures for my story. It’s possible I’m not the smartest person you know. It’s also possible that I’m a little more insane than normal. Admit it, go on. It just makes me blush. 🙂
I also came out on my story blog and confessed that I want to write a book and start something new here. It’s been a week of terror.
After I posted both of those announcements on the same day, I was terrified. No comments were more frightening than comments! No comments meant that I was just too insane. People have looked away from my shame. They see me being utterly crazy and can’t bear to look. I’m being so unprofessional. These are all thoughts that have gone through my head at various points for this entire year.
But I have always done what I feel is right. I watch and observe and research, and then I talk to my gut and I ask her what she thinks. If my head and my gut are cool, we talk to the subconscious. She’s sort of like our little oracle sitting on a mountain top reading. And if she’s cool with it, then the rest of us are cool with it.
And she’s cool with it. Even though I sometimes falter, I can’t help feeling that I’m doing what’s right. How can I know? I can’t. I can’t even compare myself to anyone else and say, “Hey they did it!” (Well actually, I lie, I sort of can point to a few. I’ve been making a mental list, but my memory is bad so I forget a lot.)
The point is we’re all afraid. It’s terrifying no matter what you do or how you go. There will always be someone there to judge you. What are you really going to do? Well I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to shrug my shoulders and do my thing as wisely as I can. It doesn’t mean I won’t take advice, but I will take advice with a grain of salt.
So that’s my manifesto. I will do what I think is right- for me. I will trust myself and my story. I won’t worry about what’s been done before. I will make my own paths because I believe in my story at the very least. If I didn’t believe, I wouldn’t be here working my ass off on it from so many different directions.
So that’s my deal. I guess this is my platform. I’m here to stand on it and tell you to not be afraid. To remember to follow your own path and to not worry about your neighbor. I also want to remind you to have some fun, do what you like, remember to make connections. Be who you are, and the rest will follow.