Tag Archives: What am I doing?

All right, I’ll say it– I am awesome.

Amy Rose Davis has this wonderful post on confidence. I love that she looks within her family to try to understand the issue. Because when it comes down to it, I do think it is partially a personality thing. Like my niece. The girl has the most shining personality that just draws people to her. She’s beautiful, but I always make a point of telling her that her beauty is so much deeper than her skin. She never judges people or talks bad about them. She also seems to have an innate sense that she is awesome without ever having to say it.

That’s not to say she won’t have bad days. But her natural state seems set on, “Yeah, baby!”

Confidence is a strange and slippery thing. It’s important and at the same time it can be dangerous. Too much and it’s a turn off, too little and you get run over by anyone willing to take advantage of you. Overall, I think confidence is necessary in anything you do. If you aren’t feeling confident about something, then it’s a good idea to figure out why. Is it just you or is it what you’re doing?

I started out this post by saying that I’m awesome. Today, I really believe that. I wish I could explain how that comes to be. It’s sort of always been that way with me and also not always been that way. I suffered through a strong lack of self-esteem for a large part of my life, and yet I still can write this post.

At some point, my gut just takes over, like it has a mind of its own. When I hit on something I feel is the right path for me, I know it, and I hold on and don’t let go even when the doubts hit and I start to wonder what the hell I’m doing. That’s happened to me already with this first book. Sometimes I’m scared to look at it, but I’ve also said that I read through it and found it to be exactly what it needed to be. So I just continue pushing forward, doing what comes next, letting my gut lead me.

So here’s my secret: I really have no clue what I’m doing. I have no credentials, no writing degrees or business degrees, no real business experience (unless you count working on the sales floor which I kinda do), no publishing experience, no attempts at publishing. What have I got? I started a blog and shared stories and got a small readership and some great friends. So what makes me think I can do this?

I don’t know, but I know I can. I believe in the story more strongly than I believe in myself. Maybe that’s the secret? Focusing on the specific aspect of something rather than looking at the entire picture? So instead of seeing me + the book + my efforts + my marketing + whatever else goes here, I only see The Book and soon, The Books/Stories, and I latch onto those and decide to believe in them no matter what anyone can tell me. So far, I haven’t really been put to the test. No one has come along and said, “UR DOIN’ IT WRONG.” I’m waiting for that so I can go, “Maybe, but I’m doing it my way, and my way feels right.”